April Blogs Bring May Followers.

Today I determined that if I drove by a scene that involved up to 12 dead bodies laying on the ground and a murderer stabbing a 13th, that I would not feel compelled to contact the local authorities. That's when I decided that I should be more pro-active.

I realize that posting this on the intranet ruins my chances of running for public office. And for winning the Nobel Peace Prize.

Yo Dre Drop the Blog

I woke up this morning with a bad case of Blogger's Block.

Luckily, something just happened in the library that inspired me.

I can't imagine the anxiety that a male janitor experiences when he has to clean the female bathroom. Out of all professional situations, this has to be the most stressful. If I were using the restroom when a male janitor entered, I would climb on to the toilet and hide in the stall until he left.

Also, someone in the library just said "Seeya Wouldn't WannaBeYa". I respect that.

One time, someone caught our female bedder in Cambridge shaving her face in our dorm bathroom. If I were her, I would do that at my personal residence.

How Do You Like My Blogging? Call 1-800-SUPERB!

It hurts my confidence when I drive the 6 hour drive from Gate City to Richmond and not one truck driver honks at me.

Today, I would to share a story from a South Carolina follower:

A girl received this facebook message, :"hey yooooooou!&^ i found this vidddddeo *&$ of us on %# my computer and i waaaaaant you to seet it ^#%@^^^^! cliccckkk here #$@". This message was sent to a thread of people on facebook.

A girl that had been on the thread replied to the whole thread in this manner, :"Hey sweetie! Hope all is well, I tried opening this video, but the link says this: The link you are trying to visit has been reported as abusive by Facebook users...so I can't open it, can you email it to me? What are we doing in it? Talk to ya soon!"

Any message that involves that involves the "#" symbol and the "%" symbol is obviously spam.

Blogless in Seattle

Over the past month or so, I have received emails from 123 Greetings that begin with sentences such as:

"Listen, I don't want you, or anyone else for that matter to think that I'm a jerk, but I just cannot do it for too much longer. I wish I could, but I just can't."

"Hello and thank you so much for getting to this message as quickly as you did....if you had waited about 3 hours to read this, then you would be kicking yourself..."

"We apologize for contacting you at this time of the day, and we hope that we haven't interrupted you in anyway, but we wanted to make sure that you received the message that we sent you last week." (This message was sent at 1:30pm on a Thursday- which is arguably the least offensive time that you could contact a person)

I do not know when 123 greetings and I developed such an intense relationship, but I do know that I am ready to take a step back.

While You Were Blogging...

I experience my most stressful situation of the day every morning as I walk into the law school. I am referring to the 30 seconds in which I determine if the person walking behind me is far away enough for me to walk through the door without having to hold it open for him. If I determine that this is not the case and have to awkwardly wait to hold the door open for him and have to stand there while he breaks in to a dead sprint to try to minimize the amount of time that I have to hold the door open, it ruins my day.

17 followers, I guess by now, you have noticed that I am not following a gender neutral grammar approach in this blog.

Also, I'm ready to unveil my theory that David Spade and Glen Close are the same person.

BlogBri

I am currently sitting in a meeting regarding the essay portion of the Virginia Bar Exam and I just realized something important. I really wish that a group of fifty 24+ year old law students were past the point where they burst into fake laughter when a speaker says things such as "If your handwriting is that bad, you should have gone to medical school."

This situation reminds me a fond memory from White Collar Crime when our professor made the whole class sing "Happy Birthday" to a boy in the class. However, no one in the class knew his name. So it went something like this "...Happy Birthday to [awkward under our breath mutters] Happy Birthday to You!" Of course, it was all I could do to keep myself from breaking into a solo rendition of "and many more on channel 4, and Scooby Doo on channel 2, and Frankenstein on channel 9".

Turn on Your Blog Lights, It's Going to be A Rough One

Next time my mom asks me "Kim, where have all the nice boys gone"? (Which she does every day- along with "What did you eat for every meal today" and "Have many times have you urinated today?" and "Did you wake up any during the middle of the night?" and "Do you promise that our neighbors aren't going to put their dog to sleep?"), I will tell her that they are all at the Weinstein Center working out. Today I seriously saw a boy ask a girl out over the phone while he was on the elliptical machine. His exact words were "I have been wanting to hang out with just you. Do you want to bring a movie over later?"

He was wearing two-striped faux Adidas pants.