Yo Dre Drop the Blog

I woke up this morning with a bad case of Blogger's Block.

Luckily, something just happened in the library that inspired me.

I can't imagine the anxiety that a male janitor experiences when he has to clean the female bathroom. Out of all professional situations, this has to be the most stressful. If I were using the restroom when a male janitor entered, I would climb on to the toilet and hide in the stall until he left.

Also, someone in the library just said "Seeya Wouldn't WannaBeYa". I respect that.

One time, someone caught our female bedder in Cambridge shaving her face in our dorm bathroom. If I were her, I would do that at my personal residence.

How Do You Like My Blogging? Call 1-800-SUPERB!

It hurts my confidence when I drive the 6 hour drive from Gate City to Richmond and not one truck driver honks at me.

Today, I would to share a story from a South Carolina follower:

A girl received this facebook message, :"hey yooooooou!&^ i found this vidddddeo *&$ of us on %# my computer and i waaaaaant you to seet it ^#%@^^^^! cliccckkk here #$@". This message was sent to a thread of people on facebook.

A girl that had been on the thread replied to the whole thread in this manner, :"Hey sweetie! Hope all is well, I tried opening this video, but the link says this: The link you are trying to visit has been reported as abusive by Facebook users...so I can't open it, can you email it to me? What are we doing in it? Talk to ya soon!"

Any message that involves that involves the "#" symbol and the "%" symbol is obviously spam.

Blogless in Seattle

Over the past month or so, I have received emails from 123 Greetings that begin with sentences such as:

"Listen, I don't want you, or anyone else for that matter to think that I'm a jerk, but I just cannot do it for too much longer. I wish I could, but I just can't."

"Hello and thank you so much for getting to this message as quickly as you did....if you had waited about 3 hours to read this, then you would be kicking yourself..."

"We apologize for contacting you at this time of the day, and we hope that we haven't interrupted you in anyway, but we wanted to make sure that you received the message that we sent you last week." (This message was sent at 1:30pm on a Thursday- which is arguably the least offensive time that you could contact a person)

I do not know when 123 greetings and I developed such an intense relationship, but I do know that I am ready to take a step back.

While You Were Blogging...

I experience my most stressful situation of the day every morning as I walk into the law school. I am referring to the 30 seconds in which I determine if the person walking behind me is far away enough for me to walk through the door without having to hold it open for him. If I determine that this is not the case and have to awkwardly wait to hold the door open for him and have to stand there while he breaks in to a dead sprint to try to minimize the amount of time that I have to hold the door open, it ruins my day.

17 followers, I guess by now, you have noticed that I am not following a gender neutral grammar approach in this blog.

Also, I'm ready to unveil my theory that David Spade and Glen Close are the same person.

BlogBri

I am currently sitting in a meeting regarding the essay portion of the Virginia Bar Exam and I just realized something important. I really wish that a group of fifty 24+ year old law students were past the point where they burst into fake laughter when a speaker says things such as "If your handwriting is that bad, you should have gone to medical school."

This situation reminds me a fond memory from White Collar Crime when our professor made the whole class sing "Happy Birthday" to a boy in the class. However, no one in the class knew his name. So it went something like this "...Happy Birthday to [awkward under our breath mutters] Happy Birthday to You!" Of course, it was all I could do to keep myself from breaking into a solo rendition of "and many more on channel 4, and Scooby Doo on channel 2, and Frankenstein on channel 9".

Turn on Your Blog Lights, It's Going to be A Rough One

Next time my mom asks me "Kim, where have all the nice boys gone"? (Which she does every day- along with "What did you eat for every meal today" and "Have many times have you urinated today?" and "Did you wake up any during the middle of the night?" and "Do you promise that our neighbors aren't going to put their dog to sleep?"), I will tell her that they are all at the Weinstein Center working out. Today I seriously saw a boy ask a girl out over the phone while he was on the elliptical machine. His exact words were "I have been wanting to hang out with just you. Do you want to bring a movie over later?"

He was wearing two-striped faux Adidas pants.

Don't Blog the Drain

Judy Meyer, from the Law School admissions office, just sent out an email. Here is how she signed it:



As always, I thank you "from the bottom of my heart".

Mrs. Meyer

The obvious question is why is "from the bottom of my heart" in quotation marks? I think that she thinks that she is quoting Mother Teresa. Or Ghandi. or Celine Dion.

If you are uncomfortable with the Celine Dion theme that is starting to develop in this blog, then you should probably stop reading. (That does not apply to my 16 followers.) For those of you who support this theme, buckle up- you are in for an exciting ride.

Blog Cabins

Why do people still build log cabins?

I feel that the log cabin market has been sufficiently tapped.

Also, I feel that the word "log" has too many meanings and uses. And it is involved in too many cliches.

I am sorry that I do not know how to put the accent over the "e" in "cliche".

Give Me a Blog, Man

I miss the days when the term "bracket" referred to a part of your braces rather than the diagram used to pointlessly predict that outcome of the NCAA Basketball tournament.

I don't know why it was ever cool to get holiday rubber bands on your braces.

Also, I don't understand why gluing squares of metal on a set of teeth for 2 years straightens them.

Kiss Me, I'm A Blogger

Whenever I consider a career of being a singer, I always think about how awkwardly I would act on stage during the parts of my songs where there were no words to sing. I can't imagine myself swaying to the music, or closing my eyes and tapping my hand on my thigh along with the beat, or prancing across the stage pointing at my fans. Therefore, I will not travel down this road.

Just Another Blogging Monday

Dear 14 Followers,

I have returned from vacation. It was pretty sweet. Wow dude.

This spring break was better than when my parents and I drove 45 minutes every year to stand on the Tennessee, Kentucky, and Virginia state line and called it "summer vacation". These were the same vacations that my dad made me sing "How Great Thou Art" on repeat in the car ride to and fro.

This vacation was also arguably better than the time that I got sun poisoning and passed out in the lunch buffet line on a cruise ship.

Calm Down, Followers of My Blog

Dear 14 followers-

I realize that I have not blogged since last Thursday. This is because I am currently on a Spring Break Vacation. I will resume my regular blogging schedule next Monday (March 16, 2009).

Here are some things to think about while I am away:
1. What people gain from watching the credits of movies?
2. How much I would like to go to a party which involves a group of people singing "For He's a Jolly Good Fellow"

I Don't Think the Blogosphere is Big Enough for the Both of Us.

Last night, I cried to a Seinfeld blooper reel.

I would like for everyone to take a look at how many Chicken Soup for the Soul books there are now:
http://www.chickensoup.com/cs.asp?cid=titles

Here are a few of my favorites:
1. Chicken Soup for the Latter-day Saint Soul
2. Chicken Soup for the Scrapbooker's Soul
3. Chicken Soup for the Soul in Menopause
4. Chicken Soup for the Soul: NASCAR Extreme Race Journal
5. Chicken Soup for the Soul: Life Lessons for Mastering the Law of Attraction
6. Chicken Soup for the Soul: Arthritis

Kiss My Blog

Happy Birthday, Baby Blup.

I would like to dedicate this blog post to the best email that I have received since law school began. It was from Judy Meyer on October 8, 2007.

It read:

"I just put several boxes of some freebies in the Down Under for whoever:

Energy Gum
Red Eye Removal
Baby Stoppers

Hurry … while supplies last"

It was determined that "Baby Stoppers" meant condoms.

Hazardous Blogging Conditions

Where are you supposed to look when a group of people are singing Happy Birthday to you? There is no non-awkward place to focus your eyes.

I have realized in the past year that I do not know how to:
1. Build a snowman
2. Go under water without holding my nose
3. Ride a bicycle.

People love to show other people their bruises.

Blogging in a Winter Wonderland

These are situations in which I don't understand why people feel the need to speak:

1. In their sleep

2. During a tender kiss

3. During a dental cleaning. (Side story: My dental hygeinist once started a story by saying "Yes, I get really scared when I am alone in my apartment. And when I get scared, I do weird things, such as put all my furniture in front of the door or put all of my stuffed animals in my bathtub". I just really wonder how many stuffed animals that she has and what degree of safety this provides her)

4. To a stranger on modes of public transportation

5. While watching the Olympics

6. While receiving a haircut or perm

7. During an awkward silence

8. To professors in the hallway

9. To professors in the classroom