Thanksblogging

Last night I saw a commercial for a vacuum cleaner with the song "At Last" playing in the background. I thought that was a bit dramatic.

A story from my family holidays:

Every year, we have Thanksgiving at my Uncle Mike's. Every year, Wesley comes. Wesley is my uncle's wife's brother's son. We are not blood related. He is 23 years old. We have spent 23 Thanksgivings together. We have never spoken to each other. I thought about speaking to him 3 years ago. But he was wearing a surgical mask because he was a germaphobe that year. Then I thought about talking to him 2 years ago, but I was too creeped out by him telling people about his 14 year old girlfriend that he had taken to the mexican restaurant the night before. He had just given her a camoflauge purse for her birthday because she loves camoflauge. He didn't seem too upset that this girl was his 3rd cousin. While he was telling this story, his mom got stuck on the couch and his tiny dad had to come try to lift her out of the cushions. Wesley and his mom (Sue) work at Wal-Mart. My mom and I go to Wal-Mart every year the day after Thanksgiving. Wesley has been our cashier several times. Neither, Wesley, my mom, nor I say anything to signify the fact that we just spent a holiday together. We act like we are complete strangers. Last year, Wesley's mom was our cashier. Everyone at Thanksgiving always calls her "Sue", but her Wal-Mart name tag says "Verna".

Who Let the Blogs Out?

Two things from the UR Law Staff:

With graduation coming up, the deans office would like to make sure that they pronounce our names correctly as we walk across the stage. Here is a list of some of the people that they included on the email that said "As you might know, I have the honor of calling out your names at commencement when you come forward to receive your degree. If you are receiving this email, I am uncertain on how to correctly pronounce your name."
1. Morgan Champion
2. Matthew Jones
4. Brian Mills
5. Theresa Young

Also, we received another lost and found email from the Dean's Office. Here is what it said:

"Okay …

I got the money
I got the jewels

And now a nap sack has been turned into Admissions.

You guys are making is real easy for me to “leave” this place."

I can't even imagine what this means.

Blogawnit

I'm sorry I haven't blogged in a long time. I have been trying to find my way from the 3L lot to the law school. Somehow this involved me getting tennis elbow.

My Blog is an Honor Student at Spider High

I think the phase of my life that I most regret is the two-year period where I said "cool beans" on a regular basis. A couple of examples:

Dad: "Hey Kim, come over here at let me clip your fingernails and toenails"
16 Year Old Me: "Cool Beans!"

Sarah Burke: "Hey Kim, do you want to go hang out with the teachers in the library during lunch?"
Senior in Highschool Me: "Cool Beans, Sarah!"

Also, a random memory. My first night out in Richmond, I asked someone where to park when attempting to go out in the Fan. They told me at the Subway at Broad and Boulevard. This is the single worst advice that I have ever received. Ironically, it was Mike Hipps. Mike Hipps Don't Lie.

Back that Blog Up

I was looking up some more information about fetishes, and I came across a beautiful quote

"My fetish is a place to escape to so I can come back to the everyday world stronger and more relaxed". This quote was on a website that was devoted to "Paraplegic Climbing Stairs Fetishes".

My Blog Will Go On...

For this first time, today's blog is a continuation from yesterday's blog. In other words, this is a "blogging series".



I was doing some more research on tickling, and I decided to get bold and go to the Tickle Brits website. On this website, they have a section entitled "TicklePedia". On TicklePedia, they have a list involving the Dos and Donts of tickling fetish relationships. I would like to share these with you with my own comments in italics:



DOS:

1. Always, always, always communicate with your partner. Tell them what you enjoy (tickling), what you don't enjoy (not tickling), what you'd like to try (heavy tickling) and what you really don't like (any other form of physical contact).

2. Come up with a safeword (I'm not ticklish). Even if you never use it, it's useful to have in the event of a medical or other emergency.

3. Set limits. (Never stop tickling). Make sure that you and your partner both know what they can do (tickle) and can't do (sit motionless) to each other.

4. If you are in a BDSM (no idea) relationship espesically, decide how much of your fetish will come into your everyday life. Will you only take on your top (tickler) and bottom (ticklee)roles in the bedroom, at the weekend, or 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

5. If your partner doesn't share your fetish (what are the chances that they would?) ask them if they wouldn't mind trying it out, perhaps in return for you trying something they would like to try (kissing). If not, ask if they mind you finding a play partner (Tickle Me Elmo), purely to indulge your fetish, outside your relationship.

6. Make sure you know of any medical conditions (sanity) your partner may have.

7. Make sure you know how to give good aftercare (a break from all the creepy tickling) After an intense session, most people will need at least a hug (i would probably prefer some alone time)

8. If you are both switches (?), agree that any mistakes made during a session are mistakes, and to be forgiven. (i am assuming that forgivness in a tickling mishap is easier said than done)

9. Make sure your partner knows when you are "in character" if you are taking on roles within a session. (i would assume that he would be able to tell if you are in character based on whether or not you are tickling him)

10. Use common sense, you want to enjoy your relationship and make it a happy one, not upset the other person by doing something stupid!



DON'T:

1. Don't Go behind your partner's back to get your fetish fix, even if they don't share your fetish (But what if I see a hot boy with his armpits exposed?)

2. Don't Bottle up your emotions. If you don't like the idea of something your partner wants to do (eat dinner without being tickled), tell them, don't just go along with it to make them happy. This goes for is there's something you want to do as well. Communicate.

3. Don't Leave someone straight after a session, they will probably want to cuddle (punch you in the face) while they recover. This close time will help strengthen your relationship.

4. Don't Ridicule any fetish (normal social behavior) your partner may have. It's rude, and they didn't ridicule yours.

5. Don't take out your anger on a sub in a seesion or or "take revenge" (going for the belly button) for a mistake the other person made in another session.

6. Don't be afraid to drop character and check on your partner during the session. You can always go back into character right away if they're ok, and if not, you can do something about it.

7. Don't try something in a session without making sure your partner is ok with it, at least in theory if it's something new to them.

8. Don't try something in a session without finding out how to do it properly first.

9. Don't try to "gut out" a session if you feel that you're not in the mood or can't put any negative emotions aside. Genuine anger is to be avoided at all costs and trying to hide it and struggle on almost inevitably leads to issues.

10. Don't be afraid to use your safewords (I'm not ticklish) if necessary. Your partner will understand (will they?), will not think any less of you, and frankly, would rather you told them when you are in trouble (about to wet yourself).

I Have a Tickle in my Blog

I was just sitting here thinking about tickling, and I decided to do some research. This is what I found:

"Most adults are known to enjoy tickling, either participating or watching. It can play a part in courting rituals, espescially among younger people, and can therefore be considered part of foreplay for many partners in the term's broadest sense. However, people who claim to have a tickling fetish are likely to enjoy this activity to the exclusion of other pre-sex activities. For some, the focus is entirely on the tickling, with full intercouse less important or not included at all. People whose sexuality is based almost solely on tickling can be said to have a tickling fixation. This fixaction may also exist outside of sexual contexts. The number of people who possess this fetish in its fullest sense is unknown, but since the advent of the internet there has been a growing online community with the popular Tickling Media Forum having over 82,000 members as of February 2009. In addition there have been a number of country-specific communities developing with the most prominent being Tickle Brits with over 6,000 members as of February 2009. Other notable communities include Haltickling ,a Germain site and The Brazilian Tickling Forum."

A few things to note:
1. I think that the statement, "Most adults are known to enjoy tickling, either participating or watching." is pretty bold. I would say that most adults either are neutral to tickling or view it in a less favorable manner. You never hear people say "Oh, keep tickling me". or "Let me watch you tickle that other person". And you never see somebody voluntarily raise their arms above their head to allow someone to tickle them. It is much more common to see someone to ask someone to please stop tickling him or to resist when someone does try to tickle him.
2. While I will admit that tickle sex is probably the safest form of sex to practice, I do not think that I could take seriously anyone who prefers tickling to the "exclusion of other pre-sex activities" or views "full intercourse less important" than tickling.
3. I don't understand why there is such a huge online community for people who love to tickle. A tickling craving does not seem like one that can be satisfied via cyber space.
4. For some reason, the phrase "Tickle Brits" is the scariest thing that I could ever imagine.

April Blogs Bring May Followers.

Today I determined that if I drove by a scene that involved up to 12 dead bodies laying on the ground and a murderer stabbing a 13th, that I would not feel compelled to contact the local authorities. That's when I decided that I should be more pro-active.

I realize that posting this on the intranet ruins my chances of running for public office. And for winning the Nobel Peace Prize.

Yo Dre Drop the Blog

I woke up this morning with a bad case of Blogger's Block.

Luckily, something just happened in the library that inspired me.

I can't imagine the anxiety that a male janitor experiences when he has to clean the female bathroom. Out of all professional situations, this has to be the most stressful. If I were using the restroom when a male janitor entered, I would climb on to the toilet and hide in the stall until he left.

Also, someone in the library just said "Seeya Wouldn't WannaBeYa". I respect that.

One time, someone caught our female bedder in Cambridge shaving her face in our dorm bathroom. If I were her, I would do that at my personal residence.

How Do You Like My Blogging? Call 1-800-SUPERB!

It hurts my confidence when I drive the 6 hour drive from Gate City to Richmond and not one truck driver honks at me.

Today, I would to share a story from a South Carolina follower:

A girl received this facebook message, :"hey yooooooou!&^ i found this vidddddeo *&$ of us on %# my computer and i waaaaaant you to seet it ^#%@^^^^! cliccckkk here #$@". This message was sent to a thread of people on facebook.

A girl that had been on the thread replied to the whole thread in this manner, :"Hey sweetie! Hope all is well, I tried opening this video, but the link says this: The link you are trying to visit has been reported as abusive by Facebook users...so I can't open it, can you email it to me? What are we doing in it? Talk to ya soon!"

Any message that involves that involves the "#" symbol and the "%" symbol is obviously spam.

Blogless in Seattle

Over the past month or so, I have received emails from 123 Greetings that begin with sentences such as:

"Listen, I don't want you, or anyone else for that matter to think that I'm a jerk, but I just cannot do it for too much longer. I wish I could, but I just can't."

"Hello and thank you so much for getting to this message as quickly as you did....if you had waited about 3 hours to read this, then you would be kicking yourself..."

"We apologize for contacting you at this time of the day, and we hope that we haven't interrupted you in anyway, but we wanted to make sure that you received the message that we sent you last week." (This message was sent at 1:30pm on a Thursday- which is arguably the least offensive time that you could contact a person)

I do not know when 123 greetings and I developed such an intense relationship, but I do know that I am ready to take a step back.

While You Were Blogging...

I experience my most stressful situation of the day every morning as I walk into the law school. I am referring to the 30 seconds in which I determine if the person walking behind me is far away enough for me to walk through the door without having to hold it open for him. If I determine that this is not the case and have to awkwardly wait to hold the door open for him and have to stand there while he breaks in to a dead sprint to try to minimize the amount of time that I have to hold the door open, it ruins my day.

17 followers, I guess by now, you have noticed that I am not following a gender neutral grammar approach in this blog.

Also, I'm ready to unveil my theory that David Spade and Glen Close are the same person.

BlogBri

I am currently sitting in a meeting regarding the essay portion of the Virginia Bar Exam and I just realized something important. I really wish that a group of fifty 24+ year old law students were past the point where they burst into fake laughter when a speaker says things such as "If your handwriting is that bad, you should have gone to medical school."

This situation reminds me a fond memory from White Collar Crime when our professor made the whole class sing "Happy Birthday" to a boy in the class. However, no one in the class knew his name. So it went something like this "...Happy Birthday to [awkward under our breath mutters] Happy Birthday to You!" Of course, it was all I could do to keep myself from breaking into a solo rendition of "and many more on channel 4, and Scooby Doo on channel 2, and Frankenstein on channel 9".

Turn on Your Blog Lights, It's Going to be A Rough One

Next time my mom asks me "Kim, where have all the nice boys gone"? (Which she does every day- along with "What did you eat for every meal today" and "Have many times have you urinated today?" and "Did you wake up any during the middle of the night?" and "Do you promise that our neighbors aren't going to put their dog to sleep?"), I will tell her that they are all at the Weinstein Center working out. Today I seriously saw a boy ask a girl out over the phone while he was on the elliptical machine. His exact words were "I have been wanting to hang out with just you. Do you want to bring a movie over later?"

He was wearing two-striped faux Adidas pants.

Don't Blog the Drain

Judy Meyer, from the Law School admissions office, just sent out an email. Here is how she signed it:



As always, I thank you "from the bottom of my heart".

Mrs. Meyer

The obvious question is why is "from the bottom of my heart" in quotation marks? I think that she thinks that she is quoting Mother Teresa. Or Ghandi. or Celine Dion.

If you are uncomfortable with the Celine Dion theme that is starting to develop in this blog, then you should probably stop reading. (That does not apply to my 16 followers.) For those of you who support this theme, buckle up- you are in for an exciting ride.

Blog Cabins

Why do people still build log cabins?

I feel that the log cabin market has been sufficiently tapped.

Also, I feel that the word "log" has too many meanings and uses. And it is involved in too many cliches.

I am sorry that I do not know how to put the accent over the "e" in "cliche".

Give Me a Blog, Man

I miss the days when the term "bracket" referred to a part of your braces rather than the diagram used to pointlessly predict that outcome of the NCAA Basketball tournament.

I don't know why it was ever cool to get holiday rubber bands on your braces.

Also, I don't understand why gluing squares of metal on a set of teeth for 2 years straightens them.

Kiss Me, I'm A Blogger

Whenever I consider a career of being a singer, I always think about how awkwardly I would act on stage during the parts of my songs where there were no words to sing. I can't imagine myself swaying to the music, or closing my eyes and tapping my hand on my thigh along with the beat, or prancing across the stage pointing at my fans. Therefore, I will not travel down this road.

Just Another Blogging Monday

Dear 14 Followers,

I have returned from vacation. It was pretty sweet. Wow dude.

This spring break was better than when my parents and I drove 45 minutes every year to stand on the Tennessee, Kentucky, and Virginia state line and called it "summer vacation". These were the same vacations that my dad made me sing "How Great Thou Art" on repeat in the car ride to and fro.

This vacation was also arguably better than the time that I got sun poisoning and passed out in the lunch buffet line on a cruise ship.

Calm Down, Followers of My Blog

Dear 14 followers-

I realize that I have not blogged since last Thursday. This is because I am currently on a Spring Break Vacation. I will resume my regular blogging schedule next Monday (March 16, 2009).

Here are some things to think about while I am away:
1. What people gain from watching the credits of movies?
2. How much I would like to go to a party which involves a group of people singing "For He's a Jolly Good Fellow"

I Don't Think the Blogosphere is Big Enough for the Both of Us.

Last night, I cried to a Seinfeld blooper reel.

I would like for everyone to take a look at how many Chicken Soup for the Soul books there are now:
http://www.chickensoup.com/cs.asp?cid=titles

Here are a few of my favorites:
1. Chicken Soup for the Latter-day Saint Soul
2. Chicken Soup for the Scrapbooker's Soul
3. Chicken Soup for the Soul in Menopause
4. Chicken Soup for the Soul: NASCAR Extreme Race Journal
5. Chicken Soup for the Soul: Life Lessons for Mastering the Law of Attraction
6. Chicken Soup for the Soul: Arthritis

Kiss My Blog

Happy Birthday, Baby Blup.

I would like to dedicate this blog post to the best email that I have received since law school began. It was from Judy Meyer on October 8, 2007.

It read:

"I just put several boxes of some freebies in the Down Under for whoever:

Energy Gum
Red Eye Removal
Baby Stoppers

Hurry … while supplies last"

It was determined that "Baby Stoppers" meant condoms.

Hazardous Blogging Conditions

Where are you supposed to look when a group of people are singing Happy Birthday to you? There is no non-awkward place to focus your eyes.

I have realized in the past year that I do not know how to:
1. Build a snowman
2. Go under water without holding my nose
3. Ride a bicycle.

People love to show other people their bruises.

Blogging in a Winter Wonderland

These are situations in which I don't understand why people feel the need to speak:

1. In their sleep

2. During a tender kiss

3. During a dental cleaning. (Side story: My dental hygeinist once started a story by saying "Yes, I get really scared when I am alone in my apartment. And when I get scared, I do weird things, such as put all my furniture in front of the door or put all of my stuffed animals in my bathtub". I just really wonder how many stuffed animals that she has and what degree of safety this provides her)

4. To a stranger on modes of public transportation

5. While watching the Olympics

6. While receiving a haircut or perm

7. During an awkward silence

8. To professors in the hallway

9. To professors in the classroom

All The Blogging Ladies...

An embarrasing story of my teenage years:

This occured at 1st year orientation at UVA. I didn't know what "going out" meant. Somehow, I was the only girl in the entering class that didn't have a roommate for orientation. So, I went to all the daytime activities alone. Then I sat alone when we all sat around in a circle and did various ice breakers in our pajamas. At 10pm, I thought that everyone would just retreat to their rooms to read their course catalogs.

Then I started hearing everyone say that they were going to go to the "Corner" or "Rugby Road" and they changed out of their pajamas and into black pants and tube tops. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to meet people, but I didn't know what was going on. So I went out to the quad area in my pajamas with my course catalog. I did one of two things for the next 30 minutes- 1) Walk up to a group of people who were waiting to go out and ask them what courses they were taking, 2) Lay on my tummy in the dark and pretend to read my course catalog, and when people would walk by (or over) me, I would try to ask them what courses they were taking.

Everyone's reaction was the same- "Um, haven't decided yet" [snicker snicker snicker]

To be clear- I had known what courses I was going to take basically since I got accepted. I don't know why I was carrying the course catalog around.

Don't Blog the Covers

I really hope that I have a life that doesn't involve me spending a whole lot of time in airport hotels. Nothing good has ever happened at a hotel near an airport. All the nomads and commercial pilots of the world convene in airport hotel bars every night, and I want no part of that. I can only imagine the conversations that occur:

Pilot: "Hey, I'm a pilot staying at this airport hotel"
Response from lady: "Oooh la la. Well let's take a flight to outer space"

Pilot: "Hey, I'm a pilot staying at this airport hotel"
Response from lady: "Hey, I'm a flight attendant staying at this airpot hotel"
And we all know how that story ends.

The Blog Beneath My Wings

Yesterday, my photography teacher, said "I was reading that really popular Arthritis magazine, you know...." No, I'm sorry m'am, you are going to have to clarify.

Then my 24 year old friend started a sentence by saying "I was reading Reader's Digest..." My parents are not willing to splurge on a new pair of Spalding shorts for my dad, but they were willing to pay for 30+ years worth of Readers Digest subscriptions.

While we are on the subject of huge disappointments, I practiced for my first kiss by making out with my shower wall for 2 years. Then when I had my first kiss, the boy had Skoal in his mouth.

If you can't beat them, Blog

I don't understand how anyone believes in cartography.

There is absolutely no way that anyone in the history of the world has traced what every single inch of this earth looks like. No one can be absolutely sure. For example, this cannot be an accurate drawing of the Chesapeake Bay Area.

http://www.lib.utexas.edu/maps/historical/chesapeake_1812-1814.jpg

I believe that all maps are approximations of what generations of explorers and "cartographers" agreed on to make their job a bit easier. In other words, they cut corners. Literally. They cut corners of the continents when they were roaming around with their rulers and then guessed what these corners would look like. It is BS.

Not to change the subject, but someone alert the Bias Respose Team. My feminine doctor told me this morning that I should go to finishing school to get rid of my accent. Thanks. I thought that "finishing schools" only existed on the Gilmore Girls.

Chicken Soup for the Blogger's Soul

I remember when this used to be the ultimate symbol of poverty:
http://www.kravshop.com/images/products/ikmf-workout-pants_03.jpg

It was the ultimate faux paus to wear fake two-stripe adidas pants in gym class.

Now, I can't respect anyone who actually wears real Adidas attire. Or Reebok. Or KSwiss. Or Umbro.

I once knew a grown woman who wore size 1 shoes. She wore black high top reeboks every day. I thought that was an interesting choice.

In the spirit of sharing, this is nice: http://www.io.com/~hmiller/shrine/img/mermaid-dolphin.jpg.

T.G.I.B (Thank Goodness I Blog)

I never want to work in an office full of people that look more uncomfortable in their casual friday clothes than they do in their work week clothes.

It's kind of like the time I saw a girl wear a "Make 7 - Up Yours" Tee-shirt to church.

Everybody knows that John 3:16 tee-shirts that mock Austin 3:16 tee-shirts are the only tee-shirts appropriate for worship.

New Blogger on the Block

There is nothing more awkward than checking to see if someone is in the bathroom stall, and making eye contact through the crack of the stall door with the person on the toilet.

Blogger commits Petit Larceny

A story from my past:



This occured on a Friday in August of 2008. I got a hair cut at Hair Theatre on Robinson St. at 3:45pm. At 7:30, my phone rang from an unknown Richmond number. I answered, and the following conversation occured:

Me: Hello
Voice of a Stranger: Hello, is this Kimberly?
Me: Yes
Voice of a Stranger: You got your hair cut this afternoon, right?
Me: Yes
Voice of a Stranger: Well, I think you took the pen with you when you left.
Me: What?
Voice of a Stranger: You signed your receipt with a Sharpie and I think that you took it with you when you left.
Me: Oh yea, here it is.
Voice of a Stranger: Can you bring it back?
Me: Um, ok.
Voice of a Stranger: I will give you the brown Sharpie if you bring the purple Sharpie back.
Me: That's not necessary.
Voice of a Stranger: See you soon!

I, of course, had realized that I had taken the Sharpie half way on my walk home. But I did not realize that the small business would notice/care. The part that offends me the most is that they thought I would want the brown Sharpie.

I took the Sharpie back on my way to a cook-out. The woman had kept the salon open late so that I could return the Sharpie.

Blogging Gets Vulgar

If lusting after a vampire while spading is illegal, then somebody call the campus police...

http://www.foroswebgratis.com/imagenes_foros/1/3/6/2/9/721109Edward%20Cullen%203.jpg

A Blog A Day Keeps the Followers Away

http://blogs.tampabay.com/juice/images/2007/11/07/fabio.jpg

My third favorite TV Moment of all time:

Average Joe 2 (Hawaii):
The girl, Larissa, after weeks and weeks of going on awkward dates, finally chooses Gill. Gill was one of the surprise "hunks" that were thrown into the mix to upset the "average Joes". Throughout the whole season, the show had alluded to the fact Larissa had a huge secret. At the end of the final episode, Larissa and Gill are rolling around on the beach, and she decides it is time time to reveal her huge secret to Gill and America. She says "Once..when I was younger...I dated Fabio". He kicks the sand and says "What the f*ck, you b*tch" and runs into the ocean and we never see him again.


This is upsetting to me mainly because I didn't think that Fabio was actually a real person.

Blogging Goes Topical

The fear of Friday the 13th is called paraskavedekatriaphobia. Which makes sense.

Apparently there are approximately 17-21 million people in the United States that suffer from this fear.

There are two things in the world of which I am scared:

1. Having a friend make me talk to one of his or her friends that I have never met on the phone. There are only so many things that you can say to them. Examples include:
a. "Hey!" (followed by nervous laughter, which is ultimately concluded with an awkward silence)
b. "I've heard a lot about you". Which will definitely be followed with the stranger saying "All goods things I hope?" And then you will fake laugh hysterically and say "oh, i don't know" in a way that suggests that you actually have heard millions of terrible things about the stranger.


2. This sketch: http://mylifeofcrime.files.wordpress.com/2007/11/baby-grace-sketch.jpg. In regards to this drawing:
a. Why does this toddler have such long flowing hair?
b. Why does she look like a dinosaur?
c. Why is she wearing the same outfit that I wore the first day of classes my 2nd year of college?

I Would Follow You Into The Blogosphere...

You will always remember where you were the moment that they announced that the color "blue" won the M&M contest in 1995.

For more information on the subject, read this quote from an article that I found on the intranet:

I distinctly recall the color tan being part of the mix throughout my childhood, though I couldn’t remember exactly when it had been replaced by the vibrant and way too cool blue ones. Clearly I needed to mend this hole in my culinary memory. My wife, who is somewhat older than I, pleaded indifference, “I never paid attention to the colors”. Sacre bleu! (or blue, as the case may be) How can you not notice the color of your M&M’s? “And another thing,” my wife said to me as she crunched on a handful of M&M’s in bed, “you know how they say the chocolate doesn’t melt in your hand? Well, the candy coating does. It leaves colored spots all over your hands.” I hesitated to point out that I didn’t think many adults suffered that problem; I was after all getting into that bed with her, and wanted my fair share of the covers. I did tell her that the slogan in question, "The milk chocolate melts in your mouth—not in your hand"®, debuted in the initial TV advertising from 1954. After working a few more tidbits of M&M’s trivia into the conversation, she finally took the bait and asked why I had suddenly become so well versed in M&M’s lore. “I’m writing an article about M&M’s,” I explained. “What will your approach to this article be?” my wife inquired of me, in tones that suggested she considered my subject matter to be, shall we say, unique. “That blue M&M’s taste better.” Clearly this confirmed her suspicions that she had indeed married a lunatic, and she rolled over and went to sleep.


This begs the question of why is this couple's life, marriage, and conversation controlled by M&M's? Why is his man writing an article about M&M's? Why does the wife's older age mean that she is more indifferent to the color of M&M's? Why is the wife crunching on M&M's in bed? This leads me to believe that they keep M&M's on their nightstand. I imagine that their sheets have M&M coating spots all over them. Why did he take this article to a personal level by bringing the bedroom into play? He could have less creepily told this story without mentioning the words "bed", "covers", and "getting into that bed with her".

If I had a dime for everytime someone said "What's the Address to Your Blog?"...

If I could I have dinner with one person, living or dead, it would be the person who looks good with his or her butt crack peeking out of the top of his or her jeans.

Even the Best Bloggers Make Mistakes

I have received numerous (or zero) emails about why my blog is entitled OshKoskMyGosh. To be frank with you all, that was a typo. The title should actually be OshKoshMyGosh, obviously. You may ask me, "Keemberhoo, why don't you just change the name of your blog to OshKoshMyGosh?". But that would be like Celine Dion changing her name to Feline Dion. Once fame has been established, a "backspace" or a "delete" button doesn't exist anymore.

You Wouldn't Understand, It's A Blogging Thing

When is Jane Seymour going to realize that no one cares about her endorsement of products?